"I am drifting further away from Lei. I think this started last two weeks when we were apart for such a long time. Then we'd fight over stupid things. I guess that had me tired and stressed out. I miss her so much. I miss us. I do understand her. How she misses her family and friends. She has every right to blame me for eating up her time. I just wanted to be with her. She's my life, my everything. It hurts whenever I argue with her. It hurts whenever I walkaway and not talk to her. It hurts whenever I don't accompany her to the jeepney terminal. All I wanted for her to see is that I'm getting sad and upset especially when she plans on things but, in the end, we wouldn't be able to accomplish it. I can't hold this relationship alone. I need her support. I need her to hold me. I need her to tell me that everything's going to be alright. I'm not strong if she thinks I am but I'm trying to be strong for her, for us. But, I can't do this alone. I love her so much. My love for her isn't fading. I'm just tired and stressed. I'm sorry, Lei. Please hold on to me tight and never let me go. :( "
*SIGH* I also think that it started since then, babe... But I think that's not one reason for us to fade away. I was actually the one who noticed how cold you were to me back then. I didn't mind it for I know you're always moody in many ways. The stupid things that we've been fighting for have always been the ones we fight for since then... They're NOT worth fighting for, we're NOT supposed to. I miss you... I miss everything we do. I miss being with you... I know you're the same person I'm with since then, but it seems like many things, especially about you, have already changed. I dunno... Maybe I've changed a lot as well.
I do hope that you understand my feelings towards my friends and most especially, towards my parents. I have to admit I've been revolving my world around you. I love it, I love doing it... I really do. But I do want balance in my life as well. I can't just simply ignore my family... I think that's one reason why I've been acting strange, emotional or tulala sometimes. I won't blame you for it because I love you. This is what I want and you're the one I need most to make me stronger and happier everyday.
You should understand why I usually change plans babe... That's it, written above. I change my mind because I still have many things to deal with. I'm sorry but it's not always you, babe. I'm grateful that you feel the other way 'round for me. I'm thankful that you're giving all the time you have for me, with me... Just to make me happy. I do feel glad every time we're together babe. But I don't feel complacent, I don't feel comfy. I know you often notice me stopping for a moment, even in the middle of our conversation. It's because there will always be a moment when I will think about what's happening at home, to my cats, to Moo and most especially, to my parents. I'm sorry for that, babe.
What support do you want me to give you? How am I suppose to do that? You're not even supporting me, babe... I understand how bad you want to be with me ALL THE TIME, but as what I've said, my world doesn't revolve around YOU. It's the same with yours... Your world shouldn't always be me, babe. If you want a mature relationship, then it's time for us to grow. We just have to trust each other that no matter what happens, wherever we are, together or not, we'll stay in LOVE. We'll keep on holding on... I won't let you go.
I know that our situation makes you feel that way... makes you want me every second, every moment of your life. We shouldn't worry though. We still don't know what our future will bring babe... No one can tell. Although I'm sayin' stupid things about it, we should just ignore it ha? What matters most is how we love each other. My love for you won't fade...
I wish we can get through with this problem right now... I really miss the old us. I'm sorry for everything I did. I couldn't last a day without you, babe. I wish this won't trigger another fight... but another realization.
We're the most in love couple in this world... We shouldn't let any couple beat us. Let's do our best and work everything out.
I love you.
The background music while I was making this post is "Angels Brought Me Here" by Guy Sebastian. :P Sweet!
Oh, I wasn't able to say goodnight and sweet dreams, babe. Dream of us.I'll sleep now... Hugs and kisses! Meow, meow. :3